Narcissistic abuse hurts us while we are with the narcissist and it can even hurt us long after we have left the narcissist.
Some people have become, so trauma bonded with their narcissists that the idea of going No Contact isn’t even a viable option.
Overwhelming to the point that it causes severe migraines and headaches due to stress.
For many of us, we want nothing more than but to move on with their lives. But the memories of the past are so strong, and the reoccurring nightmares only add more fuel to the fire.
So in this article, I have taken the liberty to outline 100 ways that you can let go of your hurt, your pain, your anger, and your sorrows and move on in life.
Life, no matter how bad the narcissist may have made yours, is a gift. And I am deadset determined to get people to start seeing this.
I know for many, they feel like they want to give up on life.
Just because you had a few dark chapters in your life doesn’t mean you cannot finish your story on a good page. And know this, that all great stories have climatic and devastating chapters in their stories.
Without the bad climatic elements, it wouldn’t be a story worth reading. 😉
Disclaimer: This article includes affiliate links which I may receive a commission for.
Note: Gaslighting is a favorite tactic of narcissists to use on their victims. Download my FREE eBook “Am I Being Gaslit” to better understand their sneaky tactics.
- 1 100 Ways To Let Go
- 1.1 Let Go Of Anger
- 1.1.1 1 – Feel That Anger Fully
- 1.1.2 2 – Give Yourself A Rant Space
- 1.1.3 3 – Remind Yourself that Anger Only Hurts You More Than Your Narcissist
- 1.1.4 4 – Write Out A Letter (But Don’t Deliver It) To Your Narcissist
- 1.1.5 5 – Imagine The Event Playing Out MUCH WORSE (Negative Visualization)
- 1.1.6 6 – Use A Stress Ball
- 1.1.7 7 – Wear A Rubber Band On Yor Wrist And Snap It Every Time You Get Angry
- 1.1.8 8 – Remove Everything That Reminds You Of The Narcissist
- 1.1.9 9 – Change Your Environment
- 1.1.10 10 – Speak With A Therapist
- 1.1.11 11 – Practice Relaxation Techniques (Look Into Yoga)
- 1.1.12 12 – Exercise
- 1.1.13 13 – Forgive Them Even If They Haven’t Apologized (Which They Most likely Will Not Do)
- 1.1.14 14 – Recite Positive Affirmations
- 1.1.15 15 – Journal Your Thoughts and Feelings
- 1.1.16 16 – Become More Self-Aware
- 1.1.17 17 – Laugh
- 1.1.18 18 – Take Deep Breathes
- 1.1.19 19 – Focus On Your Future
- 1.1.20 20 – Help Others Like You
- 1.2 Let Go Of Past Relationships
- 1.2.1 21 – Stop Feeling Regretful (You Are Only Human)
- 1.2.2 22 – See The Experience As A Learning Lesson
- 1.2.3 23 – See It As A Dark Chapter
- 1.2.4 24 – Reward Yourself Every Time You Accomplish Something In the Presence
- 1.2.5 25 – Loving Myself Means Letting Go
- 1.2.6 26 – Learn A New Skill
- 1.2.7 27 – Write Out Your Future (Plan Your Tomorrows The Night Before)
- 1.2.8 28 – Visualize The Friends and Life You Want To Live
- 1.2.9 29 – Get To Know You (Focus On Who You Are Now)
- 1.2.10 30 – Set Up Boundaries (This Sets Up For The Next Entry)
- 1.2.11 31 – Don’t Stop Dating Again (Don’t Let The Narcissist Strip Love From You)
- 1.2.12 32 – Focus On Creating Stronger and Healthier Bonds With Those Close To You
- 1.2.13 33 – Cry About What Happens (Release The Pain)
- 1.2.14 34 – Research Upcoming Events To Expect In The Coming Future
- 1.2.15 35 – Accept That They Will Never Apologize (There Are Just People Like Them Out In The World)
- 1.2.16 36 – Help Others Less Fortunate Than You
- 1.2.17 46 – Aromatherapy
- 1.2.18 47 – Musical Therapy
- 1.2.19 48 – Five Second Rule
- 1.2.20 49 – Swimming
- 1.2.21 50 – Lower The Amount Of Self-Pleasure You Do
- 1.2.22 51 – Look At The Incident From A Higher Perspective (Become The Superior Person)
- 1.2.23 52 – Be Kind To Yourself (You Are Only Human)
- 1.2.24 53 – Take More Breaks
- 1.2.25 54 – Turn Your Time WIth The Narcissist Into A Time Of Training
- 1.2.26 55 – See Stress As A Gym For Your Emotional Strength
- 1.2.27 56 – See Yourself As A Superhero
- 1.2.28 57 – Exercises
- 1.2.29 58 – Go Hiking
- 1.2.30 59 – Learn Fishing/ Go Fishing
- 1.2.31 60 – Start Learning Philosophy (Stoicism Preferably)
- 18.104.22.168 “Stoicism has just a few central teachings. It sets out to remind us of how unpredictable the world can be. How brief our moment of life is. How to be steadfast and strong and in control of yourself. And finally, the source of our dissatisfaction lies in our impulsive dependency on our reflexive senses rather than logic.” – Daily Stoic
- 1.3 Let Go Of Anxiety
- 1.3.1 61 – Learn BJJ/ Judo/ Aikido
- 1.3.2 62 – Each Day Strengthen Yourself by Doing Something That Makes You Scared (Baby Steps Of Course)
- 1.3.3 63 – Allow Yourself To Scream
- 1.3.4 64 – Fire Ritual (Write Out Your Anxiety And Pain And Burn It In The Fire)
- 1.3.5 65 – Start To Be More Assertive in Life (Learn To Say No)
- 1.3.6 66 – Start Hitting The Bags (Build up Your Courage)
- 1.3.7 67 – Take Responsibility For Your Happiness (Know That You Are Responsible For Your Happiness)
- 1.3.8 68 – Find Out Why You Are So Anxious
- 1.3.9 69 – Use Natural Soothing Oils
- 1.3.10 70 – It’s Okay To Be Scared; Without It, You Couldn’t Be Brave
- 1.3.11 71 – Spend Time Alone Each Day To Recuperate
- 1.3.12 72 – Forgive Yourself
- 1.3.13 73 – Know That You May Often Time Romanticize The Past
- 1.3.14 74 – Learn To Trust Yourself
- 1.3.15 75 – Understand That You Cannot Change The Past
- 1.3.16 76 – You Don’t Need To Fear The Future
- 1.3.17 77 – Be Compassionate With Yourself
- 1.3.18 78 – Stop Apologizing When You Haven’t Done Anything Wrong
- 1.3.19 79 – Accept Change In Your Life
- 1.3.20 80 – Broaden Your Mind
- 1.4 Let Go Of Shame
- 1.4.1 81 – Reconnect With Your Inner Child
- 1.4.2 82 – Forgive Yourself For Allowing The Abuse
- 1.4.3 83 – Learn To Laugh at Yourself
- 1.4.4 84 – Understand There Is No Such Thing As Perfection
- 1.4.5 85 – Avoid Rumination
- 1.4.6 86 – Remember To Stay In The Present (The Greatest Gift Ever)
- 1.4.7 87 – Stop Caring What Others Think
- 1.4.8 88 – Know That Most Peoples Opinion Are Not Their Own
- 1.4.9 89 – Accept Your Shameful Moments
- 1.4.10 90 – Focus On Building A Strong Self-Esteem
- 1.4.11 91 – Read Autobiographies (All Great People Have Felt shame At Some Time)
- 1.4.12 92 – Speak Your Daily Affirmations
- 1.4.13 93 – Know The Difference Between Opinion and Fact (It’s Not What They Think, It’s What You Know)
- 1.4.14 94 – Learn To Appreciate Your Uniqueness
- 1.4.15 95 – Get An Objective Opinion
- 1.4.16 96 – Turn Shame Into Compassion (Would You Tease Your Kid?)
- 1.4.17 97 – Let Your Shame Be Your Means To Transform
- 1.4.18 98 – You Live For No One’s Amusement
- 1.4.19 99 – Let People Laugh (Who Cares?)
- 1.4.20 100 – Take It One Day At A Time
- 1.4.21 No Shame In Therapy
- 1.1 Let Go Of Anger
100 Ways To Let Go
Let Go Of Anger
1 – Feel That Anger Fully
Quite often, many of us try to keep that anger buried within. We don’t want to let it out. And as a result, what it does is build up. Imagine your rage as soda, and you are the bottle that has been shaken.
Now imagine someone slightly pricking you. Much like a soda bottle that has been shaken and then pricked, it will explode.
Let that anger out now by:
- Yelling into your pillow
- Yelling out in nature
- Squeezing a stress ball
- Writing your thoughts out
- Joining a support group to rant (Fell Free To Rant In My Private Forum)
2 – Give Yourself A Rant Space
Joining a support group to just rant is a great way to get what you have off your chest. You have to understand that you are not the only one who has dealt with a narcissistic person in the past.
By joining these groups, you will have people who actually understand the pain and suffering you may be going through.
One of the few things YOU DO NOT WANT TO DO is fight this inner battle alone. Reach out to others who, too, are suffering and learn to be each others hand up in this psychological battlefield!
Reddit offers a support group where you can rant, reach out for opinions, and just let what is eating you away out.
Join here at Narcissistic Abuse
Also, I have a group to which you can also get support. You can let us know what is going on in your life.
You can join here Laughing At Narcs
Stop keeping those negative thoughts inside you. Don’t let them eat away at you.
3 – Remind Yourself that Anger Only Hurts You More Than Your Narcissist
Anger, in the end, only hurts you. Constantly waking up feeling negative instead of positive has a myriad of adverse effects on your physical health, NOT just your emotional health.
Ask yourself is being angry worth (read here about 7 Ways Anger Is Ruining Your Health):
- Stressing out
- Developing migraines
- Putting your heart at risk
- Ups the chance of you getting a stroke
- Weakening your immune system
- Boost your anxiety
- Leading to depression
- Causing problem for your lungs
- Shorten your lifespan
By staying angry at the narcissist, and I am not saying you have to love them, you are only doing the work of the narcissist for them.
You are hurting yourself because of the narcissists. And that is what they want.
4 – Write Out A Letter (But Don’t Deliver It) To Your Narcissist
Abraham Lincoln did something that I really liked. He used to write letters to people he believed had wronged him. He would write it out but never deliver it.
A few days later, he would go back to the letter and read it with fresh eyes. In doing this, he would be able to see the situation from a new perspective.
Being able to see your time with the narcissist with a new perspective will have a monumental impact on your healing process.
By learning to see the time with the narcissist as a time that TAUGHT you more about you and people in the world — instead of just a time where you were hurt — you can move on from that “training” (which I like to call it) and become a better person because of it.
5 – Imagine The Event Playing Out MUCH WORSE (Negative Visualization)
Negative Visualization is:
recommended that we spend time imagining that we have lost the things we value—that our wife has left us, our car was stolen, or we lost our job. Doing this, the Stoics thought, will make us value our wife, our car, and our job more than we otherwise would. This technique—let us refer to it as negative visualization—was employed by the Stoics at least as far back as Chrysippus. It is, I think, the single most valuable technique in the Stoics’ psychological tool kit. – A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy By William B. Irvine
This is a personal favorite technique of mines. I often think about how things could have gone far worse. I think of them taking so much more from me. Them setting me up for prison time. Them placing me in the hospital or worse.
By thinking of how much worst things COULD have been, it makes me less angry at what actually DID happen.
6 – Use A Stress Ball
Merely squeezing a stress ball can help you let out that anger in the physical world. And all without having to hurt anyone else.
7 – Wear A Rubber Band On Yor Wrist And Snap It Every Time You Get Angry
This is a technique that is catching a lot of flame of late. Place a rubber band on your wrist, and every time you feel yourself entering into a state of anger, pull the rubber band on your wrist and let it snap your wrist.
This is great on so many levels. You train yourself to have better control of your emotions. But the hallmark aspect of this technique is the symbolism.
I have already said that anger only hurts you, and the snap of the rubber band really helps to prove this even more.
Every-time you hate them, you literally are hurting yourself!
8 – Remove Everything That Reminds You Of The Narcissist
Remove EVERYTHING in your life that reminds you of the narcissist. This is plain and simple. Get rid of their:
- Block them on Social Media
Remove everything in your life that will remind you of them.
9 – Change Your Environment
There are some people who feel like moving areas or leaving their toxic workplaces, toxic homes, and toxic environments is a sign of running away.
But tell me, would you live in Chernobyl because you thought you couldn’t find someplace better?
Hopefully, the answer is no.
So leave those environments for your own sake.
10 – Speak With A Therapist
So many of us have been so conditioned to believe seeing a therapist means we are crazy. The truth of the matter is that NOT seeing a therapist is crazy.
If you had a sore tooth, you would go to the dentists. If you had a pain in your body, you would go to the doctor.
So why not see someone who can help you with the pain in your mind (your thoughts).
Therapists will be able to offer you a new perspective that you may be too blind to see because of the anger you feel.
You know what they say about anger, “it is blinding“.
Sign up to Online-Therapy (this is my affiliate link) to speak with a therapist.
11 – Practice Relaxation Techniques (Look Into Yoga)
There is a reason that yoga is becoming quite popular amongst many people of a different generation.
Yoga is not only great for keeping you limber and in shape, but it is also a great way to help combat anger by helping to bring your awareness into the present.
12 – Exercise
Exercising is a great way to reduce your levels of anger.
Exercises such as:
- Jump roping
- Group Exercises (Team Sports)
13 – Forgive Them Even If They Haven’t Apologized (Which They Most likely Will Not Do)
“When you choose to forgive those who have hurt you, you take away their power.”- Anonymous
Forgiving them when they haven’t even apologized is NOT for them. It is for us. By forgiving them and not also seeking an apology, you can move on with your life.
The problem with many of us is that we are holding out for an apology that is not ever going to happen.
You can read my full article “Stop Waiting For The Apology” to get a much more in-depth understanding.
14 – Recite Positive Affirmations
The power that words have on our psyche and our reality are greatly overlooked. I want you to think about this for the moment.
How often do you tell yourself:
- “I hate myself”
- “I’m an idiot”
- “I deserve this”
We tell ourselves so many negative things, and as a result, we live and feel a negative life. Read these 25 QUOTES TO UPLIFT YOU AFTER LEAVING YOUR NARCISSIST every day. You will see that positive words can have a significant impact on your life.
15 – Journal Your Thoughts and Feelings
Almost all GREAT people in history journaled their thoughts. The reason you will want to journal your thoughts is to get those negative thoughts out of you.
But it is also for your healing. By journaling, you start to take control of your thoughts and your feelings. As well as be able to look back at how far you have come.
16 – Become More Self-Aware
Becoming self-aware is critical for your healing process. Simply by knowing that you are falling into a state of anger, you will be able to CATCH YOURSELF.
Most people that you come across in life are not self-aware, and as a result, they fall into ANY emotional state that tugs at them at the current moment!
17 – Laugh
“How strange, thought Perdu, that one laugh can wipe away so much hardship and suffering. A single laugh. And the years flow together and…away.”? Nina George
Laugh at the absurdity. At their irrationality.
Laugh at the immaturity. At the fact that these people NEVER GROW UP.
Laugh at the pain. Because they tried to hurt you, but it only tickles.
Laugh. Laugh so loud and so hard…for your healing.
Because it has been shown that laughter not only eases the pain but can also heal the pain.
Learn more about laughter therapy here.
18 – Take Deep Breathes
Learning how to breathe deeply has been shown to help those who have anger management issues.
Specifical these four Yoga Poses/ Breathing Techniques:
- Savasana, or Corpse Pose
- Child’s Pose
- Nose breathing
- Relaxation Breath
Learn more here.
19 – Focus On Your Future
It has been said that we have around 50,000 to 70,000 thoughts a day. Of these thoughts, 70% of them are negative. And of these thoughts, 90% of these thoughts are the SAME thoughts from yesterday.
This is why it is so hard for people to move on.
They are literally stuck in the past due to their thinking. By learning to focus on the future, by writing out and concentrate on what you want in life, you will be better able to truly move out of the past, which is trying to keep you locked in it.
20 – Help Others Like You
The act of helping others who may have it out worse than you is also a great way to heal. Being altruistic actually has many positive impacts on your mind.
Read the full study about altruism, and it’s effects on our emotional and psychological health here at Helping Others, Warming Yourself: Altruistic Behaviors Increase Warmth Feelings of the Ambient Environment