32 Hilarious Life Quotes You’ll Love and Share

by myskylist
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32 Hilarious Life Quotes You’ll Love and Share

Everything happens for a reason.
sometimes the reason is that you’re stupid
and make bad decisions.
bill murray


I can’t wait to pour dinner.

Easy as 1, 2, 3, sip!

Use cauliflower as a substitute for mashed potatoes,
rice, and any joy in your life.
you have no friends now,
there is only cauliflower.

Cauliflower is here.

Why does cooking take like 6 hours
and eating takes like 3 seconds
and washing dishes like 7 days and 7 nights?

Why does it take forever?

Let’s do some
“we shouldn’t be doing this”

Sounds like some fun life quotes material about to go down!

I hate when i go to the kitchen looking for food
and all i find are ingredients.

Like, how do these become food?

Surely not everybody
was kung fu fighting.

There had to be at least one person recording the action.

I have nothing in common with people who
wash, dry, fold, and put their laundry away
all in one day.

What is their secret?

I like to make lists.
i also like to leave them laying on the kitchen counter
and then guess what’s on the list once i’ve darkened the doors
to the realm of walmart.
it’s quote the game.

This is an example of life quotes which life hacks were made to solve…

I hate how your family stops giving you money
on your birthday as you get older.
like i need it more now than i did when i was 7 susan,
i’m starving!

Life quotes to ponder over during the holidays…

I’ve decided i’ll never get down to my original weight
and i’m okay with that.
after all, 6 lbs 3 oz is just not realistic.

Maybe just multiple it times a few numbers.

Switching from pencil to pen
was the biggest deal in childhood.

Nostalgic life quotes about the simpler times…

Oh… pilates?!
i thought you said pie & lattes…

Well since I’m already in the middle of this…

If you’re posting stuff to make someone mad,
please make sure that they care first.

Your efforts can’t be wasted.

Save the earth.
it’s the only planet with tacos.

Taco lovers don’t need any more reasons.

Girl, the difference between me & you
is that i don’t need to throw shade in order to shine.

Sparkle and shine, baby.

What are sisters for if not to point out the things
the rest of the world is too polite to mention?
-claire cook

Ultimate sibling life quotes to treasure!

You’re a busy woman.
let the smoke alarm tell you when the chicken’s done.

That’s its job.

I’m not snarky.
i’m selectively polite.

There’s a difference.

The speed at which a woman says “i’m fine”
is directly proportional to the severity of the sh*t
storm that’s about to follow.

Life quotes fit to be a law of physics.

If you answer the phone with
“hello, you’re on the air! ”
most telemarketers will quickly hang up…

Life hack.

It’s like i always say:
having a weird mom builds character.

Well, it does something.

When i think about you, “i touch” myself
meaning i rub my temples because you give me a f*cking migraine.

My temples.

No offence to me
but wtf am i doing?

Please, do you know?

I hate to cancel.
i know we made plans to get together tonight
but that was two hours ago.
i was younger then
and full of hope.

We had so many plans.

Pretty good at bad decisions.


What did our parents do to kill boredom before the internet?
i asked my 26 brothers and sisters and they didn’t know either.


You know what takes longer than a kid telling a story?

Just settle in.

Just got 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.

It was quite a workout!

Kids’ toys should come with better warning labels,
like “loud as hell”,
and “no off switch”,
and “requires 217 batteries”.

Then we could choose accordingly.

Just once i wish i could flip over a package of food and the serving size
would read, “however much you feel like eating, baby girl! ”

It’s all for you!

You know what i like about people?
their dogs.

They’re all good dogs.

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